Shadows of Torment
GENESIS 14:10 -
A shadow kneels beside me in the darkness, naked and grinning.
Droplets of saliva form on his lips and slip between a set of dangerous razors that shimmer from his gash of a mouth.
He stares at me through dull, empty sockets that are not exactly eyes but instead more like dark pools of dread. Perhaps this is what Nietzsche meant when he spoke of the abyss. I don't know, but trapped here with the other monsters, I think Nietzsche may have been right.
When they first started coming, the shadows frightened me more than I can explain. Their nocturnal visits that were at one time unexpected are now occurring much more frequently and with far greater ferocity. Sometimes they come alone and stay for only a few hours at a time, crawling over my body -- poking and prodding at me. Other times they come in groups and remain with me all night. I now accept them as a fact of life.
However, I'm afraid that if I don't do something soon, they'll succeed in their efforts to steal my will, not that I ever had much of it really. But, recently, I've come to realize that the more I focus my attention on this wall, the more the shadows increase their efforts to stop me.
He hisses into my ear and stabs one of three hard, scrawny fingers on his right hand at the side my head, drumming at my temple. Constantly he knocks. Knock, knock, knocking like a hideous cupid intent on delivering an unwelcome message. This shadow, my undesirable lover, keeps beating on my skull, much like I did to so many lovers of my own. It's somewhat funny to me now that my shadow keeps trying to get inside my head; something I was always very good at doing myself.
I don't how long I've been here. Time isn't what it use to be.
Locked away in solitude, I've had more than enough time spent trapped here with both my thoughts and the shadows. However, I've somehow been able to turn this into a positive. This solitude is now the source of the only thing that is fuels my new existence -- a desire for revenge.
Knock. Knock. Knock. He beats on my temple...
My need for vengeance has grown into a full-blown fantasy of salvation that's been marinating in my mind during the ages I've spent here. Because of this, I've made a personal vow to never give up; and I refuse to let the shadow inside.
As he continues to knock, I continue to scratch at the wall.
Eventually, a small flicker of orange light slips through the crack I've created in the wall. For the first time since my captivity, it offers me a glimpse at potential freedom that I know can exist beyond this cell.
While I know the world outside is far from forgiving, it will be miles away from this darkness and from shadows that seek to steal my sanity.
My escape is only a matter of time.
I turn to look at my shadow. And he grimaces back at me...
Below are a list of Related posts: